sometimes, i get a lil over emotional

Monday, January 28, 2013
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"Stay where you are until someone finds you" - but who'd ever think to look for me here? –Alice (Alice in Wonderland) 

Actually I don't even think it's getting over emotional I think it's just me being me. I'm a soppy sop. The biggest ever. Really. I'm one of those people that if in the wrong mood, i'll cry my eyes out at the most ridiculous thing - like even just someone telling me my hair looks nice, or an advert on the tv where there's a couple, or watching a YouTube video of a baby smiling or something stupid. I've always been this way and while it can be something sad, it's usually a trait I think is a good thing to have. While most of the time i'm hard as rocks, my core is as soft as it gets. I cried my eyes out like a six year old at Adventure Time last week, I mean, c'mon.

I'm in a world of my own half of my life. Wandering around the city thinking i'm in some kind of music video, watching the people as they pass by and daydreaming about what i'm going to do in an hour or so. I never know where i'm going or where i'll be in advance, I plan my life for the 24 hours i'm living in, and then do it again the next day. One thing I always plan for and probably dream about when in my make believe music video, is to one day completely and utterly fall in love. But oh, what I would give, not to stumble but to *really* fall in love. I'm definitely a hopeless romantic. I will take you to the park for a picnic, i'll make you a mixtape on an old cassette (or even a vintage cd these days..), i'd write you a letter - I love all that stuff. I spend most of my life pretending i'm Norah and that one day when i'm out and about looking for Fluffy, i'll find my Nick and we'll spend our lives geeking out over music and stuff - that is the actual romance I dream of, almost daily.

However, while I do spend most of my time musing over our encounters with boys with my four best girl friends, I also spend a lot of my time determined to push past that and continue being a ~career girl. I don't really see much wrong in dreaming of living your life with someone else, but I also don't see anything more wrong about living your entire life for you. Actually, scrap that, you should live your life for you entirely, and when the day comes, the missing puzzle piece will just slot into place and he will just be a part of you. I think my problem is that sometimes I try to push wrong pieces into the puzzle that look like they might fit from a distance but actually they just get wedged and stuck. It's always the piece under the sofa, or the piece that turns up stuck to the bottom of your sock three days later in a place that you never thought to look that fits into the gap perfectly.

It's easy to waste a lot of time invested in someone, or in the words of Emma Koenig, create elaborate fantasies about your life with someone based entirely on their Facebook profile, or get hung up on why they haven't text or called. I think growing up and rushing in to things too quickly with men has now eventually made me hit that wall of realization that ultimately, I am very happy on my own, but I am a lonely soul. My observations of my own recollections with men and also the girls around me are that there are several ways you can go about softening how you feel, and I think in this modern age, depression can sink in to young people quicker than the older generation would like to believe. We're over saturated, we live for the Internet, and we're always in touch with people. Having my phone stolen made me realise just how many people I do sit and text or whatsapp on a daily basis, and it was at a point where I don't actually think it was healthy.

If you're feeling lonely (like I do), or you're on the cusp of your twenty-fourth year on this planet (like I am) or you really just long for a cuddle at night (..sob) I think the only way you can progress is by enveloping yourself in your friends and your aspirations, and by doing so distracting yourself from boys. Some of my friends are heartbroken still, some are pining after boys who don't care about their feelings. Some just want to be loved. It's not an uncommon feeling - infact my most "asked" thing on Tumblr is from girls anon telling me they're heartbroken and they want reassurance. I've had my heart broken so many times I can't actually even begin to put in words how I feel about that. However, something I think I do very well and what you can do to is learn how to bounce back, proper Alan Partridge style. You have to look at it this way, if you're not smiling one day, you might not catch his attention. If you're not happy, you wont look approachable. You could have already accidentally sabotaged meeting him already by not looking like you actually want to meet someone, or accurately reflecting your vibrant and happy personality.

The way I see it, is that while I am still young, I want to party til my legs can't stand no more, I want to party until the sun rises, I want to scream until my voice hurts. My heart might feel sick, but my head doesn't, and sometimes you have to follow what you know is right for you, and i'm telling you now, your head is right - every single time. The thing that can be hard to grasp but I would shake you until you see it is that he was just one of several. You had fun, you had a good time, but it wasn't right for you. Take what happened and learn from it. The stupid saying about kissing frogs is clearly a good thing to say in this situ, but it's actually kind of true in a reflective way. You might have hearts in your eyes and think he's perfect, but actually, each time you meet a new man, you're just ensuring he didn't have any of the qualities the last frog had. So really, you're not kissing a ton of frogs, you're kissing a frog, then a lizard, then a dragon.. then.. some kind of ultimate..dragon. Or something.

There's no pressure to catch up with your friend. Half your friendship group might be married, half might have 2.4 kids, half might have just bought their own houses. I have none of these things, but half of my girl friends do. If those are your priorities in life, that's great. And everything works out at a different pace for everyone. Becoming the future generation we can hopefully start to smash these stereotypes that at 18 you go to Uni and then at 22 you're married and at 25 you have your first kid, or whatever, because we can be fiercely independent now in this free country where we can determine where we want to be and that's our prerogative however quickly or slowly it takes to happen. Society tells us we have to fall in love, but society also reports that divorces are at an all time high. Why bother wasting time chasing after a terrible man, when you can be happy on your own dancing around your bedroom in your pants to Vybz Kartel at 3pm on a Monday (ahem) until he comes and finds you - and thinks that is hilarious and loves every little bit of you, for you.

So, grab your best lipstick, wear whatever you feel comfortable in and seize the moment, or you'll die regretting the time you lost over him. Be who you want to be, grab life by the throat and then when you're busy being a big whirlwind of awesome, a boy will grab you in a flash and he'll accompany you along your way. Oh but, it's totally fine to continue dreaming about meeting him one day.

 You may say, i'm a "dreamer." But I know i'm not the only one.
Love, Zozo 
x

Disclaimer: I know this sounds like ke$ha/Andrew WK wrote it, but seriously, just go and party hard.

27 comments:

  1. I love this post! I mean, it's well written and I know what you mean about girls on Tumblr asking what to do about a broken heart. The thing is, if you stop looking for love, it will come to you. It's always like that! I was prepared to stay single my entire life - my parents had a terrible divorce and I didn't even want a boyfriend at all. Just at the right time I met this wonderful person and now we've been together for 3 years. So you are right, let go of all the love stuff even if your friends are getting married and having babies. There's still plenty of time for that! Enjoy your life and live it to the fullest! :D

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  2. awh, such an inspirational post, love you. ♥

    http://haninixo.blogspot.com

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  3. So much love for this post!!! xxx

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  4. Love this post! It's totally made me smile, and want to go and live and be a 'whirlwind of awesome' as you put it! Some of the things you've written in here, really have made me think and smile! So thank you for posting/writing this! I love it, and it's just what I needed! xxx

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  5. Such a cute post. I can relate it to it so much, I'm constantly daydreaming!

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  6. I can definitely relate to this :)

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  7. Wish I could have read something like this when I split up with my ex! What's that saying?... 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'. I met/got with my boyfriend in the most unsuspecting way and he's THE best. Find myself wondering why anyone would put up with anything less. Amazing post! xx

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  8. Well said, Zoe. I'm slowly becoming the only girl in my friendship group who isn't engaged or in a long-term relationship. As long as I'm still having fun then I don't mind being single - if only people would stop asking me "when are you going to get a boyfriend?" then life would be pretty much perfect! x

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    1. Same here!!! Aside from one friend all of my friends are in long term relationships, so it does feel like everyone around is constantly asking you 'Oh, so what about you? Are you seeing anyone yet?'! x

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    2. I'm the same! Single girl in the group right here! I didn't used to get these questions but I was seeing a guy in the summer and that ended badly so naturally I was really upset - and since then questions have been coming whether or not I've met someone new. I think they reckon I was really upset about being single again and 'having to start over' but it the tears were purely about what happened (turned out he had a secret gf back home...)

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  9. You're awesome Zoe :) xxx

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  10. This is a fantastic. I'm literally the only person single that I know of, and I'm completely fine with that. I've found that the more you chase the more it runs away. Things happen when they're meant to, if you force it, it goes to shit!

    x

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  11. such an inspiring post...and so true!
    x

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  12. This is a fantastic post, just what I needed to read right now! I'm exactly the same, a hopeless romantic, so it can be hard not to get down about this particular aspect of life when everywhere you turn there are couples - but you're right, ultimately we'll regret wasting this time in our lives being sad, so powering on through, making plans and spending time with friends is the best remedy.

    Lynsey xxx
    http://allsortsandanecdotes.blogspot.co.uk/

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  13. Luckily, I have met my jigsaw piece but I worried for years about how intense a person I am. I am so over-enthusiastic that I would scare guys away and my friends would tell me I had to calm it. But I was sure if I was 100% myself, I would one day find someone who returned my intensity, and I did.
    I move to London in the summer whilst he has to stay up here in Scotland to finish uni. We're both choosing to put careers first so we don't resent each other in the long run. You're right- you have to live your life for you! x

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  14. I love this post, I'm with someone but It made me feel a hell of a lot better about all the questions I get about when I'm going to get married, get a 'proper job', pop out a kid etc. I want a career and I'm going to have one, then I might think about settling down, I think everything you said here was exactly right x

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  15. I actually love you, this post is amazing. I came out of a long term relationship last year, and was in another one before that. I'm currently really enjoying just having a crush on someone, whether it goes anywhere or not, I'll still have fun! I do often dream of a Nick and Norah romance though...I totally love that film...

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  16. Seriously love this post x

    www.thefashionseason.blogspot.co.uk

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  17. Brill post, I never believed people when they said you will find it when you stop looking but it really is true, I was ready to move to london on my own from ireland, two months before I went I found 'the' boy... he packed up and came with me..
    i really thibk there is someone for everyone, live your life for you ladies and not for the man you thibk you want!!! Be happy!!

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  18. Such a refreshing read. I cant express how much I can relate to this post. Thank you Zoe. Really lovely words

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  19. This is a lovely post. I am a big Frank Turner fan so loved that little quote <3

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  20. I have been really enjoying you're more personal and reflective posts recently, they're always so relatable. I am so much like you - I think I live in a fantasy world where every man is like prince charming, you wake up to birdsong everyday and everyone greets eachother by song as you pass in the street. Sometimes things happen that bring me back to reality and I realise that life unfortunately isn't like that.. if only it was! You have such a positive outlook on life and I wish I could be more like you, living each day at a time xx

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  21. This is so moving. I am someone who has been in an amazing relationship for eight wonderful years and I wouldn't change my situation for the world. However, I do wonder what life would be like if I had the chance to focus solely on my career and aspirations.

    The grass is always greener.

    (Also, Andrew WK. :D)

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  22. SO good to read something as honest as this, and something that after just turning 20 I can whole heartedly relate to! THe vast majority of my friendship group are thinking about moving in with boyfriends and here I am in my second year of uni with no idea what I want to do in the future and with a distinct lack of boyfriend! I'm happy to sift through a few more frogs before finding a prince! Loved this :) x

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  23. I love this post, thank you! http://theprettybeautiful.blogspot.co.uk @fionabarbs xox

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  24. <3

    A lot of love for this.

    http://cosmeticsshoppingandintoxication.blogspot.co.uk/

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